Humorous definitions

• abloom adj in a blooming state
• Agapemone n a religious community of men and women whose ‘spiritual marriages’ were in some cases not strictly spiritual
• baby-sitter n one who mounts guard over a baby to relieve the usual attendant
• bachelor’s wife n an ideal woman with none of the shortcomings of married men’s wives
• back-seat driver n someone free of responsibility but full of advice
• bafflegab n the professional logorrhoea of many politicians, officials and salespeople, characterized by prolix abstract circumlocution and/or a profusion of abstruse technical terminology, used as a means of persuasion, pacification or obfuscation
• be left holding a baby to be left in the lurch with an irksome responsibility
• boy band n a pop group, targeting mainly the teenage market, composed of young males chosen because they look good and can dance and sometimes even sing.
• brains trust n a number of reputedly well-informed persons chosen to answer questions of general interest in public and without preparation
• buckwheat n a plant (Polygonum or Fagopyrum), its seed used esp in Europe for feeding horses, cattle and poultry, in America for making into cakes for the breakfast table, etc. [thisis a variant on Samuel Johnson's famous dictionary definition of oats]
• devil-dodger n someone who attends churches of various kinds, to be on the safe side
• fish vi to catch or try to catch or obtain fish, or anything that may be likened to a fish (such as seals, sponges, coral, compliments, information or husbands)
• flag-day n a day on which collectors solicit contributions to a charity in exchange for small flags as badges to secure immunity for the rest of the day
• Japanese cedar n a very tall Japanese conifer (Cryptomeria japonica) often dwarfed by Japanese gardeners
• jaywalker n a careless pedestrian whom motorists are expected to avoid running down
• lead out vt to conduct to execution or a dance
• middle-aged adj between youth and old age, variously reckoned to suit the reckoner
• not to mention to say nothing of, a parenthetical rhetorical pretence of refraining from saying all one might say (and is about to say)
• perpetrate vt to commit or execute (esp an offence, a poem, or a pun)
• picture restorer n one who cleans and restores and sometimes ruins old pictures
• Santa Claus n an improbable source of improbable benefits
• sea serpent n an enormous marine animal of serpent-like form frequently seen and described by credulous sailors, imaginative landsmen and common liars
• spatangoid n a heart urchin, a member of the Spatangoidea, an order of more or less heart-shaped sea urchins with eccentric anus
• table-turning n movements of tables (or other objects) attributed by spiritualists to the agency of spirits, and by the sceptical to collective involuntary muscular action
• waist-line n a line thought of as marking the waist, but not fixed by anatomy in women’s fashions
• xylophagan n one of the Xylophaga, a genus of boring bivalves
• yoof adj (esp of magazines, TV or radio programmes, etc) relating to, specifically aimed at, pandering to, or dealing with topics (thought to be) of interest to modern youth

Pleasing words